how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
