Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
