finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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