i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
this is an emotional support booty call
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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