I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
