I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
