I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
