tell your sister to shave her snatch
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
