I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
