it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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