he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
