Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
