I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
