Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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