You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
