a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
