Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize