I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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