Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
