I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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