I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
