apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
