Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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