That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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