If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
