Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
