Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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