There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
