i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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