I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
