pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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