i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
