I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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