You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
