Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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