walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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