At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
