U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
