Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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