someone owes me an orgasm
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize