I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
