If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
