yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
