there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
