its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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