I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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