the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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