i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
