you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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