I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
