my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
