i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
