He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
