you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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