corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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