So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
