I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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