morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
