Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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