Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
