DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's like heaven, but drunker
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
