$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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