so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
