Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer