You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.