I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize