Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are we still banned from the library?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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