mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
