my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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