Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
