Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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