Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
