He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she pinky promised me she was 18
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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