Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
