She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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