How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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