Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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