Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
