I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
