i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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