I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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