why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
