I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
