im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
