HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
