"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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