did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
